i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
