I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
i think i just lost a toe
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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