Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
