Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I haven't been this sober since birth.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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