It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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