Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
my sisters under your porch take her home
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
