***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
