Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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