The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
