Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
