Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
