I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
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WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
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I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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