My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
