i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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