How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
