Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
