Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
