Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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