you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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