I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
