I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
