My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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