this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
