i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
