he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
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