I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize