just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
my shit smells like andre
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
