Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
