He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
