I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
