Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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