nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
