woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
