he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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