yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
