Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
