he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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