my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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