he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
