he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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