i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country