My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.