Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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