Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
