I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
