guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
