Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
this boner is exhausting
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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