you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Screwed.edu
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
