Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
