I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm just crazy horny about you
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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