I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
