thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
