I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
