I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
