i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
