Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
