I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
