you guys were way drunker than both of me
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
