people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
