The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
