booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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