So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
