Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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