I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
