I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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