I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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