so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
