Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Is it because I queefed?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
