I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
