I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
