I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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