When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
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After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
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well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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