What did we do last night that was yellow?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
