fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
