Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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