I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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