we're chasing vodka with high fives
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
MIDGETS
????
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
